Bewildered and Bewitched in the Big Apple

You know what's fun about driving around in a big truck through heavy traffic and big cities? (And by fun I mean not fun at all.)

Poor signs.

Our truck is over 70 feet long, 13' 6" tall, and 102 inches wide. There are 18 wheels, 10 gears, and we weigh 80,000 pounds fully loaded.

We cannot start or stop quickly.

We cannot zip around and make a U-turn if we get lost.

In other words, we need to know where we are going before we get there and good signage helps us do that.

Our first time through New York City was quite the experience. The quickest route to New England from pretty much anywhere, is through NYC and it is decidedly not truck friendly. Heavy traffic, bridge, tunnel and parkway restrictions, and bumpy roads built by the pilgrims, all conspire to make it a nerve wracking adventure.

One thing we knew for sure, was that we did not want to get off the interstate. We had heard trucker-horror stories, of getting stuck someplace where the roads were either too narrow to make a turn or clearances too low to get under. The prospect of backing up a crowded NYC street or running into a low bridge or having to be towed out of a situation did not appeal.

So imagine our delight at seeing this sign in Brooklyn:

What do you think this sign means?

Well, we assumed that it meant that if our vehicle was over 12'2" (and we are more than a foot taller than that), that we should use that exit because going beyond that point would surely result in a truck decapitation.

Himself and I debate it quickly. It didn't feel right but the sign seemed clear. Did we want to take the chance?

We took the exit.

It was not the correct decision.

I don't know what kind of sadistic people there are at the NY Department of Transportation, sign making division; they probably can't afford NYC and have to live in New Jersey and so they are filled with hate and self loathing. I don't blame them there, but I don't think they should take it out on truckers.

But I digress.

As we came to the stop sign off the exit, we were confronted with crowded narrow streets and no signs directing us around the low clearance to get back onto the interstate.

We frantically looked for a way back to the interstate with the fewest turns possible. Himself, ever cool under pressure, spied the route ahead and we forged on.

We were sitting at a red light when we noticed the overpass straight ahead was marked with a 13' clearance. There was nowhere to go. We had to go under that to get back on the interstate.

Insert cussing. Lots of it.

Himself jumped out of the truck, crossed 2 lanes of traffic and knocked on the  window of a NYC cop car. The light turned green and a great cacophony of honking ensues as cars moved around us.

I mentally prepared myself for jail, wishing I smoked so I'd have cigarettes to barter with. I'd have to get a tough sounding nickname and learn how to make a shiv out of a toothbrush. Not the life I planned at all.

The cop gets out of his car, stands in the middle of all the NYC traffic, and puts his hand up for everyone to stop. Amazingly, they do.

He tells Himself that he sees trucks going under that thing all the time, no problem. Just go slow.

Himself jumps back in the truck and we creep under that overpass, cringing, just waiting to hear the screech of metal against concrete. Nothing. We made it.

We made it!

At that moment I want to kiss that NYC cop on the mouth. In fact, I feel like kissing NYC on the mouth. I want to sing New York, New York! at the top of my voice. I don't have to go to jail, yippee!

We're old hands at driving through NYC now. We ignore signs all over that city and stay on the interstate now, no matter what.

What I assume they mean with those signs to exit are that if you have to get off the interstate use that exit to do it.

Then you're on your own and good luck with that.

Good Food and Goofy Signs

Juniors Seafood
9349 Main St
Jacksonville, FL

As the Tumbleweeds left Florida, we stopped by our favorite local seafood joint in Jacksonville. Juniors is in a nondescript building in the middle of nowhere; they are good and have truck parking. Sometimes we're stuck with only the truck parking part and have to eat whatever is there, so it's a real treat when the food actually tastes good.

They really know how to fry shrimp here and only in the
south can you get black-eyed peas with seafood!
nom nom nom..

The Tumbleweed Holiday is officially over and now we're headed west to Arizona. 

***Weird Sign Alert**

Rest area in Texas. He's looking for
motorcycles. And a meth dealer.

A series of signs in New Mexico proclaimed:

Caution Dust Storms May Exist  *also BigFoot and global warming*

Use Extreme Caution  *not just the regular kind*

Zero Visibility Possible * if you're Stevie Wonder*

That is one tiny bull.

Hmm...not sure what they are they trying to say here?

This is at a rest area with about two "real" spaces for trucks, so we ended up parking here because:

1. We're rebels like that. Always fighting the Man.

2. I would have peed my pants otherwise

Go west young (ish) Tumbleweed

Telephone Poles and Dirty Underpants

Weird sign of the week: No Delays Next 17 Miles.... OK.  Immediately I became suspicious. Like when someone says, I wouldn't lie to you, you know they are. A person who isn't lying or thinking about lying would never say that. So I was on a steady alert to look for delays in that 17 miles, but after about 3 miles I forgot to be alert and made sandwiches instead.  

Last week in Illinois we passed this truck clogging up the tollway. This is why following too close and not paying attention is a bad combination. Those are telephone poles going through the windshield. Yikes! Amazingly, the driver wasn't hurt, the poles only went through the passenger side. Would have killed the person in the passenger seat if there had been one, though. I hope if that ever happens to us, I choose then to be in the back making sandwiches!!

I bet the driver's seat had to be replaced though...

Thumb-Wrestling Donuts

We are in Grand Rapids, Michigan and if you think there is no such thing as heaven, well then, you my friend have never had a  Krispy Kreme donut.

Today the Tumbleweeds had a chance to get some and get 'em we did. Hot off the fryer, their signature glazed donut melts as you bite into it and your lips are left with sweet sweet sugar. Mmmmm donuts..... I really don't know how or why any other donut chains are still in business. All donut makers should turn off their fryers and bow down to the double K. There's no contest, all other donuts pale in comparison. In fact, I will thumb wrestle anyone who says different, into submission.

OK, I'm calm now. Just gotta work off the sugar high. Caffeine too, since they have a Kreme Latte, which has their special super secret sweetness in an espresso with milk and it is also very good.

**Confession Time**
I am a hairy wildebeest, apparently. I am constantly picking off loose hairs from my shirt, the floor, the dashboard, my cereal and I don't have long hair. I can't imagine what it's like to be Crystal Gale, she must have to keep a vacuum cleaner attached to head at all times to suck up strays. I may be showing my age if right now you're scratching your head, wondering who in the Heckle and Jeckle Crystal Gale is. Who are Heckel and Jeckel? Well look it up on the Google is all I have to say about it, I can't do all the work here!

Sign of the day: Watch Out for Hidden Driveways

Are these driveways playing hide and seek with each other and they may jump out at any moment and yell "You're IT!" or is it like Batman's cave, hidden behind a bunch of shrubs? Either way it's unsettling. You can't do anything about sneaky driveways playing games and I don't think the County or State should be ratting out Batman. I just might have to thumb-wrestle somebody.

The Mason Dixon Line and Low Flying Aircraft

We woke up in Gettysburg PA this morning surrounded by fog and it was cool enough to snuggle under the blankets. We didn't get to do any sight seeing, although a few years ago, we got tangled up in our directions and drove straight into Gettysburg.  All 18 wheels and 75 feet of us! It was definitely not truck friendly, but then again, we've been to New Jersey so dirty looks don't phase us!

Yesterday we crossed the Mason Dixon line. You always hear of that being the border between the North and South but it predates the Civil War and the United States themselves.  In 1763 Englishmen Charles Mason and Jeremiah Dixon were asked to resolve an 80 year property dispute between land owners in Maryland and Pennsylvania. They lay stone markers indicating the boundary using the stars to calculate the path through the wilderness. It took 5 years to mark out the 233 mile long boundary. When I think about people doing things like this with only their minds, pen and paper, and the stars, I realize how much I don't know about how things work.  Stars and math seem to be at the root of all things and I don't know anything about either. I hope I never get sent back in time, I would not be a good representative of the future and I wouldn't last very long without hot water and a toothbrush.

Crazy signs of the day: "Warning Low Flying Aircraft" What are you supposed to do with this information? Shouldn't the aircraft be watching for the interstate? Presumably the aircraft can move out of the way, cars and trucks on the road certainly can't! Also today at the shipper, a huge distribution center, a sign saying "Live Driver Staging Area". Now, we have met truck drivers that had the IQ of the walking dead, but they were in fact still alive.

Spam and the jolly Green Giant

Weird signs of the day in Minnesota:  "Toward Zero Deaths, Safety Corridor" followed by "Concentrate on Driving" How does one go toward zero deaths? I don't think it is a mathematical possibility to go toward zero anything and we are so busy concentrating on this philosophical quandary that we cannot concentrate on driving. The signs cancel each other out.


Speaking of Minnesota, we went through the city of Minnetonka today, which made me wonder if that's where Tonka Toys come from, so I looked it up on the Google and no they do not.  Tonka Toys started out as Mound Metal Craft in Mound Minnesota, right next door to Minnetonka and Lake Minnetonka which is where they got the name.  The company started out with the intent to make steel garden implements but got sidetracked. 


This is all from Wikipedia, with whom I have a love/hate relationship. I love them because they are laid out in such a way that is very readable and informative and I hate them because they are so easy to use that it makes me too lazy sometimes to verify and it can be changed at any time by any body.  I firmly believe in the Trust but Verify model of internet searching but sometimes it's a pain to verify. I am a skeptic by nature and with all this information available at my fingertips, I don't want to fall into the trap of believing the first thing I read on the Internet. There is a website for every thing under and on the sun, all with varying levels of factness.


Back to Minnesota. Once again we will be close to the Spam Museum with no time to stop there, what a shame.  Located in Austin, MN the museum features 16,500 square feet of SPAM® artifacts, history and fun—and all for free! Yes, that’s right— it’s free admission to check out vintage advertising, answer SPAM® trivia, try your hand at canning SPAM® products, stock up on collectible SPAM® memorabilia, and learn about all the SPAM® products, even the hard-to-find varieties. I stole this right off the Spam website so it has to be true.

Did you know that sodium nitrite is what makes Spam pink? They say that if it wasn't used in pork products like Spam, bacon, ham, etc. the meat would be gray. I don't know about you, but I like my gelatinous cube of meat pink, thank you very much! 

They are crazy for Spam in Hawaii and even have a Spam festival there and Burger King and McDonald's both offer it on their menus. Lots of places make Spam sushi. There are even theories about why it's so popular in the south pacific having to do with cannibalism and it tasting like flesh but it's not true. Much.


One thing we have done in Minnesota was to take our picture next to the Jolly Green Giant and his buddy Sprout in Blue Earth, MN.  We had dinner there once, right next door to the JGG himself. 


According the Blue Earth chamber of commerce the city got its name from the Blue Earth River that circles the town.  The river was named for a blue clay that is found high in it’s banks.  The Native Americans of this area, which were the Mdewakanton Tribe of the Dakota Nation, called the blue clay “mah-ko-tah” or “mah-kah-to."


I wonder what the Native American word is for Spam?

Traffic Signs and Agnes Moorehead

I have noticed in the Boston area lots of signs everywhere that are relatively pointless, like the “Snow Plows Be Careful” sign that is posted every ½ mile. Don’t they know that they should be careful? After all I’m sure that’s a government job and being careful is in the handbook somewhere.

We saw a sign warning “Caution Snow Glare in A.M.” that I’m sure you can’t see in the morning because of said glare. My favorite was “Thickly Settled 30 MPH”. I’m not even sure what that means.  Amid these gems were all sorts of “Slow Down”,  “Caution” and other unspecified warnings of impending doom.

When we needed a sign, like “Slow Down, Even though the Speed Limit is 112,  in Ten Feet there is a 90 Degree Curve!” or “This is the Last Place to Turn in 400 Miles”, there are none to be found.

Another fun thing they like to do in the Northeast in general, is post a measurement on a bridge that is a foot lower than in reality. More than once we have been on a two lane road in the country, with no hope of turning around and come across a bridge that says 12'9" ( we are 13'6") and this on a designated truck route! The first time it happened we stopped on the shoulder, scratching our heads, but luckily another trucker came up beside us and said it was really 13'6". We let him go first just to make sure! These signs are even on I-95 in New York City and there is definitely no where to get around them there. One day I’m going to find out why they do this.

We picked up a load in Clinton, MA at Weetabix. They make breakfast cereals under the name Millville. Weetabix is a company in the UK and their cereal looks like Shredded Wheat in the shape of a McDonald’s hash-brown. Why am I telling you this?  Because you never know when this is going to come up on Jeopardy! or Trivial Pursuit. While I’m at it, Smuckers owns Folgers and Garanimals is in Louisiana.

The Wachusett Reservoir is in Clinton and it was a real pretty drive coming here from Boston. Here are some interesting facts from the Town of Clinton website. And when you win big on Jeopardy!, remember me.

*The oldest baseball diamond in the world is Fuller Field in Clinton, which has been proven to have hosted baseball from 1878 to the present day.

*Clinton's Colonial Press was the first publishing company to get the Warren Commission Report out into the hands of the public.

*Mark Twain once lectured here in 1869. Twain spoke to Clintonians about his travels to the Sandwich Islands. He stayed at the Clinton House, a well-known hotel on the corner of High and Church Streets. Thanks to a dusty bed and a barking dog, Twain was very glad to leave.

*Agnes Moorehead, famous for her role as Endora on TV's "Bewitched", was born in Clinton.

*Screen windows did not exist until The Clinton Wire Cloth Company began manufacturing woven metal in 1856.

*The Clinton Light Guard was the forerunner to today's National Guard unit, organized with 50 local men in 1853.

*The last stone was set in place in the Wachusett Dam on June 24, 1905 by John Mercer, who also laid the first stone in place in June of 1901.

*The Wachusett Dam is actually 240 feet in height. However, we only see about half of it, as 125 of those feet lie below ground.

It's Tuesday it must be Virginia

We are in Virginia. Again. South Boston to be exact and there's not even a North Boston, that I know of. This happens sometimes when we get caught in a loop of sameness for a week. Pick up a load in Virginia take it to Pennsylvania. Get a load in Pennsylvania and take it to Virginia and on and on in a vicious circle of sameness.

We travel all 48 states but sometimes this happens and we have to say enough is enough, give us something else. The exciting part of this life is going to different places and seeing new things. Hard enough when you're on interstates mostly and limited to where an 18 wheeler can go.

Today we have dog food, Ol' Roy, the good stuff! You can smell a dog food plant from miles away, it's not bad really, not like a paper plant, but pretty intense. I had to wander through the plant to find the women's room (drivers get their own but it's usually just a men's) and it was hot and loud. I imagine dog food has to be cooked but the only part of production I saw was the bagging part. You always hear of horse meat being used but never see that listed as an ingredient, I wonder if it's true...

I always have an eagle eye for misspelling on signs (which is funny, I don't have the same eye for my own writing-I hate to proof read) and there was a sign in the shipping office giving advice on what to do in case of a tornado and it said "please exit in a calm manor". Now just where are you going to find a manor to exit calmly in? I've never even been in a manor, I think they only have those in England!

We got an email once from a German friend who speaks English really well but doesn't always get the spelling right. She wrote about having a problem with a big company for something she bought and she said it was just a "night mayor" dealing with them.

I think I would like to be the night mayor of a calm manor. What could go wrong in a calm manor?? And besides, you're only the mayor at night when everyone is sleeping!

So today we will battle the Richmond, DC and Baltimore traffic once again. It all seems so familiar....