There's a Tear in My Beer

Dear New Jersey Port People,

When loading 40,000 pounds of spendy imported beer, it might be a good idea to wrap it up more tightly and perhaps, oh I don't know, block it in with something so it can't tip over. 

Sincerely,

A Tumbleweed Crying Over Spilled Beer.

***

Most often, the trailers we pick up are loaded and sealed, like this one. We have no control over whether it is loaded by morons or masterminds.

Mostly, the stuff we get is loaded really well. Some places use giant plastic air bags to fill in the space between pallets. Would have worked really well here, but I guess the people at the New Jersey port had better things to do that day.

We aren't held liable for loading problems, but usually it is left up to us to dispose of the damaged contents.

This has worked in our favor several times, because food companies will reject a damaged outer carton even if the product itself isn't damaged. 

I'm not too proud to eat a bag of potato chips that came from a dented box. Plus, I hate to see perfectly good stuff go to waste. 

Before the beer, the last damaged thing we had was diapers. We're too old for babies and too young to use them ourselves, so we gave them to a truck stop janitor who could use them.

It's not uncommon to find truckers driving around a truck stop trying to give away something they have have no need or room for. We've been on both sides of this transaction: we've gotten rid of eleventy tons of napkins and diapers this way and received 7 cases of mini peppers, 783 granola bars, and 40 packs of gum.

But do you think they let us keep the damaged cartons of beer? Oh nooooo. The warehouse guys assured us that they would be glad to get rid of it for us and that we shouldn't worry our pretty little heads about it.

***

Tumbleweed Fact:

Pilsner Urquell, the beer that was so rudely loaded, is a tasty beer all by itself, but it's also a fantastic mixer with a dry champagne.

Tall glass
Half beer
Half champagne

It's called a Herrengedeck and it's a Tumbleweed Tradition.

You're welcome.

***

Coincidentally, Grolsch makes a
fine Herrengedeck too!

I launched 'spilled beer' into the Google and came up with this website that has crazy pictures of truck spills. They haven't updated in a while, but it's worth a look. I would *definitely* rather clean up some broken beer bottles than rotting pig carcasses (carcai?).

Tumbleweed Booty

Sure, we Tumbleweeds live in a very small space, work long hours, and have to use public bathrooms in which I get mistaken for a man, but there are also perks. I'm talking booty. Not J.Lo size booty, but still. (I said booty, hee hee)

Sometimes the stuff we deliver gets damaged by the people unloading it or the count is off and the customer rejects it and we must dispose of it. Most often it's something simple like a torn or dented box where the product inside is fine, but the customer finds it unacceptable.

Booty list:
*12 boxes of napkins (about 10,000, still using)
*3 bags of dog food
*75 bags of artichoke and spinach potato chips
*2 cases of V-8 Juice (low sodium, yech)
*30 bags of gourmet rabbit food (yes gourmet. We ate some of it. Not bad)

Funny how electronics or beer are never damaged.

Sometimes the shippers are generous and give us goodies.

SWAG:
*Sample bags of dog treats from Iams

*Almost expired cold sore medication (wth?) from a medical distributor

*Ginormous container of Arm&Hammer laundry detergent (it lasted a year)

*Cookies. Oodles and oodles of cookies from a commercial bakery in South Dakota

Walmart generic brand...but still.
COOKIES!

That bakery was in Sioux City and the whole town smells like baking cookies. I want to live there. Nothing bad could happen in a place that smells like grandma's kitchen, right?

Well, in 1992 Money Magazine named Sioux Falls the Best Place to Live in America. In 2006, Men's Health Magazine ranked it 93 (out of 100) for Angriest Cities in the Nation. The angriest city? Orlando. Home of the happiest place on earth.




As if all this free booty wasn't enough, there's also found booty. Walking a dog in so many places turns up all sorts of things.

* A total of $27 in cash
* A real live beaver ( I didn't keep it)
* A fake beaver (don't ask)
* A purple rock
* A one-eyed Spider Man dressed as Santa

Winning.

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