Winter Driving and Wise Investment Advice

If you have some extra money, you should find a company that makes windshield washer fluid, and then buy a ton of stock in that company just before the winter. 

Trust me.

Truckers go through gobs of the stuff in the winter.

See the un-windshield-washer-wiped part?

Here's what happens:

The snow and ice melts from all the traffic, turning it slushy. The slush combines with road grime and the salt or sand that is used to keep the roads from getting too slick. Then it all comes together on the windshield in an opaque sludge, making it impossible to see.

The road spray gunks up the windshield every few seconds and you have to constantly use the washer to remove it. We can go through several gallons in a day in the northern parts of the country.

While I'm giving away awesome stock tips here's another one. Buy stock in Denny's.

Disclaimer: I don't *really* know how stocks work, if you can get them for just windshield washer fluid or if Denny's trades them. For all I know, you might be better off stocking up on ball-bearings.

As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted by that disclaimer, buy stock in Denny's Restaurants. They. Are. Everywhere. I began noticing them more often a couple of years ago, and then all of a sudden they started multiplying like bunnies.

There are five predominant truck stop chains nationwide and only three of those have sit-down restaurants. Denny's has taken over all of the restaurants in one of those and is working on another.

That's like 8 million Denny's just in truck stops, not counting regular people ones. Stop what you are doing and buy Denny's stock, right now. Or some ball bearings.

I may or may not have made that number up, but I'm sure it's close.

I apologize for the poor quality of this video. I only realized recently that our camera even had a video function. For reals. You may want to turn the sound down before you watch it because I stuck the camera out the window and it gets really loud. (Our camera has sound y'all!! Didn't know that either.)

So while you are snuggled up at home or work or in some other kind of building that doesn't move, remember the Tumbleweeds. Delivering baked beans come wind, hail, sleet, snow, or deluge of Denny's.

Highway Hints and Darth Vader Mittens

Himself, concentrating on the wintry roads of death!

Here are some random facts from the road that I have learned over the past three years.

Mayonnaise is explosive.

Nebraska is flat, but as you travel west in the Cornhusker state you are gradually going up in elevation. 

This has the effect of increasing pressure in things like squeeze mayo, lotion and potato chip bags. I never remember this and it always seems I'm making sandwiches in Nebraska. The mayo spurts out at roughly the same velocity as the speed of light, but it's a lot more messy! (if the speed of light doesn't actually have a velocity, I don't want to know)

Wintry road of death in Nebraska in February

Seasonal changes are noticeable in different ways on the road. Spring in Alabama is a wonderful sensory experience for the nose; azaleas, magnolias and jasmine in bloom are delightful. Nebraska in the spring, not so much. Spring time means planting and fertilizing with manure. Lots and lots of it in the corn fields that cover the state. On the plus side, the corn fields bring in tons of fireflies, which start showing up in the early summer. Is there anything cooler than a bug that lights up?!


If you are looking for a winter investment, put all your money into windshield washer fluid. We go through gobs of the stuff, trying to clear off the snowy, muddy slush that accumulates on the windshield. Truck stops charge twice as much for it in the winter.

Minus 17 in Wyoming, but I have toasty hands!

My Darth Vader Mittens...say what you what but these are warm!

Darth Vader's brother, Chad.

I love the acoustic Darth Vader theme!