Breakfast cereal is a serious business. If you don’t believe me, try to deliver your load of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs fifteen minutes before your appointment time.
It ain't gonna happen.
 |
| No soup for you! Come back one year. |
There are two ways to deliver a load.
The live unload is the longest.
In that situation you back into a dock and wait while a guy on a forklift unloads your truck. He counts the product, takes a cigarette break, rearranges the product, takes a cigarette break, puts the product on a shelf, has a sandwich and a cigarette break, and then gives the paperwork to an office person to perform some kind of computer voodoo-hoodoo. She also takes a cigarette break, paints her fingernails, goes and flirts with the guy on the forklift, then signs the paper you need to leave. This can take 2-24 hours.
In that situation you back into a dock and wait while a guy on a forklift unloads your truck. He counts the product, takes a cigarette break, rearranges the product, takes a cigarette break, puts the product on a shelf, has a sandwich and a cigarette break, and then gives the paperwork to an office person to perform some kind of computer voodoo-hoodoo. She also takes a cigarette break, paints her fingernails, goes and flirts with the guy on the forklift, then signs the paper you need to leave. This can take 2-24 hours.
The second way to deliver a load is called a drop and hook. We go in, unhook from our loaded trailer, drop it on their lot, then pick up an empty one. In and out in less than 30 minutes.
We have no control over which method, it’s the customer’s choice. Usually, an appointment means a live unload. But not in the high stakes world of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs. They give out appointments because they like to feel special and in control, even when it’s a drop and hook. And they have rules. And they do not bend them.
1. You may come in one hour before your appointment time. No more.
2. If you are late by more than 37 seconds you will have to wait 48 hours to be rescheduled. (This has happened to us.)
3. No dogs, children, wives or guns allowed on the property.
4. No public restrooms.
5. No overnight parking on the property. (Even though it's big enough to hold the Lost City of Atlantis, there are no truck stops within 50 miles so you have to park illegally near a meth lab, and it’s their idea you come in the middle of the night.)
So we get to the Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs warehouse at 11:45. Fifteen minutes earlier than is allowed. We approach the Security Gate. The lot beyond the guard shack is wide open, lots of space, no other trucks in line or moving about.
We think we’re golden.
We think we’re golden.
Himself: “ Hi, we have a load of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs, appointment number 12390-42149-537759-335398311M.
Guard: “Oh yes. It’s a drop and hook. Your appointment is at 1 a.m. You can come in one hour ahead.”
Himself: “Um...That’s just fifteen minutes from now.”
Guard: “ Yep. See you then.”
Himself: *Stands there for 15 minutes, repeats procedure at appointed time*
Guard: *Looks over paperwork* “ Hmm. This number looks funny. I need to call someone to come and verify the load, hang on a minute.... Oh, darn. That guy goes on break at midnight. He’ll be back at one. You’ll have to come back then.”
A lone wolf howls in the distance.
Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs is not real. But Hobbes is.
