Friday, April 20, 2012

What Grizzly Adams Can Teach Us About Public Urination

Have you washed your hands today
Mr. Tyson chicken pee-er?


While we're on the subject of disgusting people, what is it about men, especially truckers, peeing outside? I understand if you're Grizzly Adams, living out in the wilderness with a bear, why you'd need to pee outside. But when you're 50 yards from a building with indoor plumbing, not so much.


Grizzly and Ben,
looking for the perfect pee spot.
In the wild.

If you do happen to be Grizzly Adams walking through the forest with a bear on your back and need to pee, the dirt and grass will soak it up. Peeing on pavement just sits there in a puddle, waiting for some unsuspecting person and their dog to walk through it.

Walk through a truck stop parking lot on a hot day and you'll soon discover the pungent aroma of urine, wafting up to assault your nostrils and make you wish you had a touch of anosmia. And the ability to hover.

I realize I'm painting a rather nasty picture of truckers, they certainly all aren't that way. Himself would never in a million years pee on the pavement; with or without a bear.

But I think that being alone for long stretches of time must do something to some trucker's brains that makes them think they are all alone in the world and that no one can see them peeing in broad daylight in the middle of a parking lot.



I didn't confront the Tyson chicken pee-er because I only saw him as we were leaving the parking lot but I did call the company and let them know that they had a public pavement pee-er in their midst.

Guess where his hands are right now!

One time, while walking the Jas, I saw a trucker at a rest area peeing between his truck and trailer. I walked up to him and said he was giving decent truckers a bad name by being so nasty. He at least had the good manners to look ashamed but his wife came out of the truck and yelled at me that it's no different than my dog peeing outside.

Yes, she compared her husband to a dog.

Well lady, my dog licks her own butt and eats goose turds.

Of course I was too flustered to come up with that witty response, so I just yelled something back at her along the lines of, I know you are but what am I? The yelling went on for a while until we just kind of fizzled out and I walked away.

I'm not good at fighting.

In fact, even though I was the one who started it and it was a confrontational situation and I was being yelled at, I let it go on too long because I didn't want to be rude by walking away before the wife finished yelling. I blame it on my upbringing.

That's called southern hospitality y'all.

*****

This is not Grizzly Adams, but I'd like to think he and Guy on a Buffalo would be friends. And they would never pee on pavement, even if they were straight up being mauled by a cougar.



17 comments:

  1. I know this wasn't your intention but I'm now craving chicken for dinner tonight. And bear.

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    1. Hmm. Maybe I should contact Tyson again and see if they want to advertise here.

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  2. I've got to say my dog DOES NOT pee on pavement or gravel. I would not want to make the same claim for my offspring - not that I've ever seen them pee on pavement, but I wouldn't put it past them.

    And they wonder why the dog is may favorite.

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    1. hee hee. The dog is never going to talk back or lie to you either!

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  3. Once again, you've nestled a seed of jealousy deep in my heart for your glamorous lifestyle. :) I'll say the part that bothers me the most is that fight with Rude Wife, only because I HATE that feeling of having to mentally relive a fight gone wrong without being able to get a re-do. Keep your eye out for her, you might be able to get a rematch (I need the closure).

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    1. I know! Why is it that we only think of the really good things after the fact. I'm surprised I didn't apologize and bake her cookies.

      I'll keep a look-out for her, but I make no promises about not screwing it up again.

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  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  5. Peeing outside. That's sounds very uncivilized indeed. That guy is supposed to be representing Tyson - a highly respected civilized company for a civilized nation. Come on folks. These are the folks that shackle an estimated 700,000 chickens a day upside down and then send 'em packin to the great hen yards in the sky. That's the kind of professionalism and efficiency that we can all be proud of! Although their chickens are reported to have peed outside - once. (although I believe their chickens to have been merely slaves bred for our enjoyment) We's civilized here! Everybody dance - ladies choice!

    (No, your friendly neighborhood BOOT is not a vegetarian or anything like that. In fact, he eats his ribeye steaks still moving. Although I did drink a vegetable shake once that my Mom made. It was horrid but I smiled respectfully and thanked her as I wept inwardly. I don't think you are supposed to do that with carrots and tofu. That's legal?)

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    1. Ha! It only took me 10 minutes (because I is smart) to figure out what BOOT meant!
      I need more coffee.

      Yes, I'm a meat eater too. And use the old ostrich method when confronted about the facts of factory farming. Head in sand, no questions asked. I'm sorry chickens! I'm sorry!

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  6. It's times like that when you need to hold up your cell phone and pretend like you're taking a picture. People get real nervous when they think their picture is going viral. Of course the wife may have knocked you out and then you might have had bigger problems.

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    1. I probably would have messed that up too and held up my wallet. Then she'd beat me up AND take my money! I should probably quit confronting people.

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  7. I think, if you loudly yell in defense of your husband taking a piss in public in broad daylight, that you need to really reassess your life choices. I think that driving someone to tell in defense of their peeing husband is noble, though.

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    1. Oooh, I'm noble, yay!

      Now I can start saying thee and thou and whilst. I've always liked the word whilst but feel it's too classy of a word for me.

      I don't think I'm cut out for this nobility gig. The burden is all heavy and stuff.

      Delete
  8. hmmmmmmm....i tend to think it's a GUY thing...and not just a trucker thing. well, yeah...truckers and parking lot rest stop peeing may be exclusive to truckers...so is peeing in a bottle and tossing it out the window! ugh!

    i think the majority of guys i've known...have always pee'd outside. even if there's a toilet not too far away. i always thought it was like marking their territory...or something...weird like that. >>

    i think even if a guy says OH NO, i NEVER pee outside - he's a closet pee-er...no no...not peeing in the closet...he just doesn't want anyone to know!!

    thanks stacey...you never fail to make me smile...laugh...and think about things i don't usually wonder about! i love coming here! ha! :)

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    1. Thank you Laura!

      Peeing in the closet is definitely worse, but hey, if it's their own closet and I don't have to walk through it, that's ok!

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  9. Good thing you read the ART OF WAR!

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    1. I did, but I'm still more Sonny & Cher than Sun Tzu!

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