Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Tumbleweed in the Tabloids

Douglas, WY
Even the dinosaurs are cowboys.

The cat is out of the bag.  The jig is up.  The chicken has flown the coop. The pearl is in the river.

The secret is out; your humble Tumbleweed has hit the big time✴.

✴ Well, not really big time.  I didn't win the Nobel Peace Prize for Blogging and I haven't written the Great American Novel.  Angelina Jolie is not starring in the movie of my life nor is there a made-for-tv-movie about me in a scandalous affair with Festus, in the works.

Great, now I am depressed.


I am writing a humor column for my local newspaper, The Douglas Budget.  It's a weekly in my hometown of Douglas, Wyoming (population 5,300) and they run my columns about twice a month.  The first one ran at the end of August, but somehow it didn't make it to the online version and I didn't want to say anything here until I could link it, like a *professional* and now it's fixed and did I tell you I was excited???  I am.


The process to get published was long and arduous.  Kind of like Homer's Odyssey but without the cyclops.  *Unfortunately*

About a year ago, I balled up my courage and approached the newspaper to see if they would be interested in me writing a humor column for them.  I won't bore you with the details of how difficult it was for me to build up my nerve to do this; but imagine walking into the grocery store naked and asking the bag-boy to judge your thighs. It felt like that, only scarier.

I went in and asked for the editor, showed him some samples from this blog and a column I had written specifically for the newspaper (never before seen!) and he seemed interested, said he'd look it over, let me know.  Visions of fame and fortune swam before my eyes as I pictured my name in print.  I felt just like Mary Tyler Moore when she flings her hat up in the air.

A few weeks went by and I hadn't heard anything from him.  Nothing happens fast in Wyoming, so I waited.  After a month I sent him an email asking if he was still interested.  He said he was, things were just really busy.  More weeks go by, more follow up from me, etc, etc.  

Finally, I called.

Me: "Look, if you aren't interested or if you think my writing sucks donkey balls, tell me and I'll get off your back, I can handle it. Otherwise, I will just nag you every week with phone calls, emails, and possibly build a shed in your backyard and live in it until you print my columns."

Him: "I'll get to it, I promise.  I'm just busy."


Well dear Readers, months went by like this and nothing happened.  I picked up my Mary Tyler Moore hat and gave up.  Who was I kidding? I knew nothing about building sheds.

Fast forward to July.  My nemesis moved out of state and a new editor came to town.  I picked up my Mary Tyler Moore hat and tried again. Surprisingly, instead of a restraining order, I got an offer and now have an occasional column.  

So far, they have printed 3 (three!).  If you can't tell, I'm pretty effing stoked.  And I'm really glad I don't have to build a shed in anyone's backyard; Wyoming is cold in the winter.

Check out the Douglas on the Road tab at the top of the blog to find the link to the columns.  Or click here.  I'm easy.


  1. Congratulations! That is exciting news!

    I immediately made some phone calls to see if I could get The Douglas Budget delivered to my house but they were all like "Sir 9-1-1 is for emergency calls only" so I eventually hung up on them.

  2. Thanks Christian! It is pretty exciting, especially the part about no restraining order. And, who are they to say what qualifies as an emergency?! I don't know what this country is coming to... bunch of communist 911 operators!

  3. yay!! i read your column! you already know that! as usual...you damn funny...and i did write my comment on FB so i won't bore you again here...BUT you didn't say...is this a paying column...or a freebie?? but, hey, it doesn't matter...YOU IN PRINT!! woooohooooo!! congratulations!!

  4. Hey Laura, Thanks! If you get a chance, read the one "The Killer Wore Loafers", it's the 3rd one and I think it's the best yet.

    It is a paying gig (which blows my mind), keeps me in foofoo coffees! It's a lot scarier being in print in my hometown, I really have to up my proofreading skills. And I hate proofreading. :0)

  5. i didn't even see that tab up there...with your columns listed!!

    you need to put IT IN ALL CAPS and maybe change it to A BRIGHT STAND OUT COLOR for those of us who are not very OBSERVANT!! maybe BLINKING NEON would be good! :) ...i be back...

  6. hahahahaaa....me again!! you're hysterical!
    LIVER pudding...you ARE braver than me! (liver. brings back memories of my mother forcing me to eat her 'chopped liver' and bloody steaks! ugh!) but, anyone who can eat spam...well...it doesn't surprise me you;ll try liver pudding! just the sound of that makes...me...gag...
    ((and i'm NOT a picky eater. really!))

    then the dog park adventure with the maniac wearing loafers...jogging??! well, it was a good thing you survived...and was able to tell us about it. when that fright/flight thing kicks in...our minds sure know how to add a little thrill to our lives!

    hey stacey...next to your name, in the column...you should add your blog address link....???!!

    keep up the funny stuff!! life gets too serious sometimes!

  7. Yay!! I'm so excited for you! It's about time that they started recognizing your superior intellect and rapier wit. I mean, we already do so I'm glad the newspaper wised up.

  8. Way to go Shakespeare, I new you would make it to the big time, and what can be bigger(larger) than the Douglas Budget. I happen to be one of your followers who is an active subscriber. Keep striving, The U S News & World Report is next. Glad you still have your roots and still talk to us peons.

  9. Laura, Thanks for reading them all! Next time I'll put flashing lights up there! ;) In the printed version of the newspaper, they use a picture of me and a link to my blog, I don't know why it doesn't come out on the online version.

    Meg, Aww, thanks! My intellect is questionable, but I'm glad I didn't have to use my rapier to convince them; those things could put an eye out!

    Doug, I'll always be loyal to my roots and the little people. Except for those Oompa Loompas, they're just scary.

    A wise man once told me "you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose. But you can't pick your friends' nose".

  10. We locals all LOVE the blog and newspaper print but why the scary picture in this latest blog?!

  11. Thanks Glen! Now, why would you think a dinasaur wearing a saddle is scary??? It's not real silly.

  12. DinOsaur. I has the ability to spell. :/

  13. CONGRATULATIONS - and SO well deserved! I put this in caps for Laura's benefit, since she seems to need that. Sorry, but I couldn't figure out how to turn on the blinking neon feature here... Tumbleweed and Laura, you are BOTH a couple of ragin' fools and I love you both! I read all the Douglas columns, Tumbleweed, and they are very good - equally as funny as your blog. I hope the other 5,298 residents in your home town appreciate the gem they have living in their midst - at least the 1 or 2 days a year you're there, eh? Best of luck with your literary career!

  14. Aww Ladybug, you got me shuffling my feet and lookin' red-faced! Thanks for the congratulations and praise, my head is swelling as we speak! I'm going to have to open a window and stick my head out pretty soon!!


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