Monday, August 8, 2011

Wickets, Worm Holes and Wonders

Velociraptor in Casper, WY.
He's giving the squinty eye to the price of fuel.

Do you have a reliable internet connection?
Are you distracted easily?

I don't and I am and that is a very bad combination indeed.

For several days we have been in the land of spotty internet signal and you would think I would use that time wisely to add and subtract numbers, but I don't. 

I’m actively avoiding it and bugging Himself with all manner of pointless conversation.

Me: Hey, what was the name of your 5th grade teacher?
Himself: I don’t remember.
Me: Mine was Mrs. Griffin and she made fun of me one time because I said purty instead of pretty, so on the last day of school I put a ketchup packet on her seat.
Himself: Uh-huh.
Me: You know that way when she sat down it would explode all over her ugly dress.

Himself: Wow. You were a rebel even way back then.
Me: I know, right?
Me: So. Who was your first crush?
Himself: I don’t remember.
Me: You have a terrible memory, what are you repressing?
Himself: What’s our profit margin this month?
Me: Don’t try and change the subject. I think you were abused by a traumatic experience as a kid and you have somehow suppressed it all these years. What are you afraid of?
Himself: Nothing. You don’t have internet do you?


The elusive tiger-striped T-Rex of Kentucky.

When I do have a good internet connection, instead of writing Nobel Prize winning blog posts, I look up things on the List. The List is a place where I write down all the things I come across in life that I need to know more about; words I don't know, plants I can't identify, the lyrics to Good TimesThis is why I love the internet. I can find out anything with just a few clicks. The problem is that there is no end to the internet or to the things I don't know.


Spell-check wants me to capitalize internet but I refuse to even though I can't stand to see that squiggle under it every time I don't. I think it's a little presumptuous of the internet to want a capital I and I'm not giving in to the pressure, I'm slave enough to the internet as it is. Besides, I'm pretty sure that's how HAL got all uppity. (Did you know that in the French version of 2001: A Space Odyssey it's not HAL it's CARL? No wonder they always surrender, who's scared of Carl??)


Let's say I want to know what the difference is between crickets and grasshoppers (their antennae). That will lead me to wonder about the British sport of cricket (it's boring) but I will learn that the phrase a sticky wicket originated from cricket not croquet as I had thought and only Americans call the hoops in croquet wickets and that a form of croquet is played at the Burning Man Festival that involves glowing Magic 8 Balls. 

This is how time sucking worm holes are created and before I know it the whole day is gone. On the plus side, I won't remember any of it, so when I look it up again, it's all new to me.

I'm fairly certain that King Kong
wasn't a dinosaur, but I'll have to look
it up tomorrow. Again.


  1. I love Dinosaurs and useless trivia and first crushes and crickets and the internet and Carl and the lyrics to "Let The Good Times Roll", by The Cars

  2. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. No. Yes, but what is rock and roll hair?? And I meant Good Times the TV show, you know you had a crush on Thelma!

  3. So obviously I had to go and look up the lyrics to Good Times:

    Temporary lay offs. Good Times.
    Easy credit rip offs. Good Times.
    Scratchin' and surviving. Good Times.
    Hangin in a chow line Good Times.
    Ain't we lucky we got 'em. Good Times.

    Which I didn't remember at all and was having a hard time singing them to myself until I realized I was using the Gimme A Break theme song melody, which was the show I thought you were talking about. Those lyrics are:

    Gimme a break, I sure deserve it.
    It's time I made it to the top.
    Gimme a break, I'm looking forward,
    Get behind me, pull out every stop.

    I feel like I'm dangerously close to experiencing one of those "learning can be fun" moments.

  4. Quick Christian, look up how to calculate what kind of nest egg you need at retirement, that ought to cure any fun you may be having!

  5. so so internet connection.
    yes!! very easily distracted.
    i'm the master of i don't forget anything...but if i don't write it down quick, i'll forget.
    but i DO remember my 5th grade teacher...AND my first crush...
    maybe they ran out of godzillas, so they settled for...uh...king kong.
    i don't know the words to good times, but i can sing gilligan's island!
    i RARELY capitalize! you have to just start to think of the red squiggly lines as page art! :)

    have a great day...try not to get sucked into worm least leave a trail so you can get back...

  6. Laura, of course you would see it as page art, you see the beauty everywhere! I just want the page to do what I want it to do. Actually, I want the whole world to do what I want it to do too and that doesn't work either.

    I actually knew most of the words to Good Times, I loved the mom and dad on that show. I didn't realize until I started looking it up, that they killed the dad off on the show and it made me so sad! Damn the internet.

  7. In the past couple of weeks, you, I and Moooooog have referenced the Magic 8 Ball -- something I have not even thought about in years. What could it mean? What COULD it mean? Good times. (The sentiment AND the song...)

  8. Brütalism, it is certain, signs point to yes that the reply is hazy, try again because it is very doubtful that my sources say no.

    Wow, it really DOES know all!

  9. Your blog is great... I compare it to an episode of Seinfeld... Useless information you actually get something out of by the end... Only thing that I am left hanging for is you never gave us an answer on the following : "what the difference is between crickets and grasshoppers (their antennae"?????? I also agree with your use of Capitalization of the word? Just for you can you google conjunction junction whats your function? I hope that song sticks in your nappy head all day....

    Shalom and Amen


  10. Aaah, the internet - it sucks us all in, then spits us out. Need to keep a tight leash on it! Only problem IS that there's so dang much info out there that it's absolutely mesmerizing. Comes in handy, like you say, to look up misc. facts, find out how to do something, or prove your side of an arguement...

    Speaking of the magic "i", I'm suddenly having issues with my blog pic. It won't currently show up as anything but an exclamation point! Reading up on it, seems it needs to be smaller, so I shrunk it down to pin-point size and we'll see. Funny thing is, it shows up on my blog page just fine. Now, I'm sure just because I mentioned this, it will show up today. See what I mean?

    Have a great day, Tumbleweed, and may the "i" gods smile on you warmly.

  11. Heywood, I LOVE School House Rocks and the conjunction junction song so I don't mind at all it being stuck in my nappy head. Ha! What am I, your mother?! You look it up then if my cricket vs grasshopper answer didn't satisfy your entomological desires! (does your head itch?)

    Ladybug, Yes! I forgot about using the internet to prove an argument, that's one of my favorites! I use Snopes and other websites a LOT whenever I get those stupid chain emails that spread misinformation and warn that your legs will fall off if you don't forward them.

    Sorry to hear about your picture troubles, sometimes the computer just does what it wants in its own time!


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